BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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