anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize