but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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