yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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