I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize