did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize