they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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