I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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