I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
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Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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