seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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