then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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