there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize