Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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