i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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