Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
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I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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