Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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