she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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