I puked a lego.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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