Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize