i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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