We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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