My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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