Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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