FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize