New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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