peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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