I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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