but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize