I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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