Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
pray to the hookup gods
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize