I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize