she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
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I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
there is glitter all over my balls
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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