I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
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woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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