I can tuck mytits in my pants
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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