ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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