just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sober January is a disaster.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize