i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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