do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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