you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
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Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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