Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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