I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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