Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
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Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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