So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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