We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
