Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
