Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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