I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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