you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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