Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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