Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
